Unusual legal case: ‘I’ll swap a kiss for your cow’

Submitted by: Edith Faye Redden

Dickenson County Historical Society President

Last week the Historical Society presented an article about an unusual legal case. This week we continue with weird, yet humorous, lawsuits. The article was first published in the April 30, 1954, issue of The Dickensonian newspaper under the headline of Trial Justice Court Hears Strange Cases. The following includes excerpts from that article. It has been changed to indicate the past.

“Through these portals pass some of the wackiest cases in the world.”

“That sign was not really over Dickenson County Trial Justice E. J. Sutherland’s courtroom, but it’s been suggested that it should have been. And with good reason, for it was a pretty safe bet that no other trial court in the country had landed on the front pages of the nation’s newspapers more often than this one.

“For some reason or other cows seemed to play a prominent part in the cases brought to [the Dickenson County] trial justice court... And in more than one instance, they have been the innocent and unwitting cause of some of the most hilarious suits in the entire history of American jurisprudence.

“A prime example of this was the famous cow-suicide case... Judge Sutherland ruled the contract invalid because of the suicide provision, and ordered the defendant to return the cow. This decision was later upheld by a Circuit Court jury. [That story was presented in the Historical Society’s article last week.]

“Take, for instance, the one in which a man traded a cow for a kiss. [A short synopsis of that case was presented in a previous Historical Society article. But, just to remind our readers, we will again present it with this article’s topic.]

“A young swain had an almost overpowering admiration for a neighbor girl. She, in turn, had developed a great fondness for a cow he owned. It was spring, the sap was running high, and he became bold enough to shyly ask for a kiss.

“She hung her head demurely - and finally whispered she would swap a kiss for his cow!

“Spring being what it is, and young swains being what they are, he agreed to the bargain.

“Later, after giving the matter some mature thought, he decided he had been rooked and asked her to return the cow. She wouldn’t. So he took the case to court. The record has been lost on the court’s decision in that trial, but it would be interesting to know whether he used the judgment of a Solomon or the gallantry of a Sir Walter Raleigh.

“Men who have nipped too heavily at the bottle are frequent guests in Judge Sutherland’s court, and have added their full share of curious cases. One.....which was.....little publicized at the time, should take its place near the head of the oddities.

“Four young men, who were described as being a great deal more than slightly drunk, got into a row with some other fellows in a tavern. A fight started and the tavern owner put them out. The next morning he swore out warrants for the four, charging them with being drunk in a public place.

“To one of the young men, this smacked of some sort of injustice. And, righteously indignant, he swore out a warrant for the tavern owner for selling beer to him and to his companions while they were drunk.

“When they came to trial, however, they pleaded not guilty - a move which, under the circumstances, was a little difficult for Judge Sutherland to understand.

“He called the case of the tavern owner and asked the man to take the stand as the Commonwealth’s chief witness. There was a hurried consultation between the youth and his attorney...”

The next paragraph of the newspaper was illegible but the man invoked “the protection of the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution of the United States. He refused to testify on grounds that his testimony might tend to incriminate him.’”

“Judge Sutherland said that as far as he knew, that was the first time in the history of Dickenson County the Fifth Amendment was ever invoked by name...

“At any rate, he found the four young men guilty of being intoxicated in public place, use of abusive language, and assault and battery. The case against the tavern owner was dismissed.

“Discipline was another problem in the trial court, Judge Sutherland said. Elderly people, especially those who have had few, if any contacts with courts of law, could not seem to understand that cases must be heard with at least some degree of formality.

[Once] “a woman accused a man of coming to her home in an intoxicated condition and ‘pawing her.’ She said she had driven him away by beating him over the head with a poker. When asked about this on the witness stand, he admitted she had struck him ‘with something’ and ‘he reckoned it was a poker.’

“‘Did you leave then?’ asked the trial justice.

“‘I sure did, Judge. Wouldn’t you have got out of there, too?’ he queried.

“However, he denied the ‘pawing’ episode, and when this point in this testimony was reached, the lady leaped angrily to her feet.

“‘He’s a **** liar!’ she shouted.

“Judge Sutherland explained to her that such carryings-on were not permitted in court, and she subsided somewhat. But it was apparent that it was only with great difficulty that she held her anger in check during the remainder of the testimony...

“Sometimes Judge Sutherland himself had difficulty in keeping his bearings in his case-crowded court. Take, for instance, the case of the mule that had been killed by a train.

“The owner was suing the railroad company for killing the mule, and he presented an imposing array of witness who testified the mule was young, fat, sleek, and one of the finest work animals in the county.

“The railroad company had an equally long list of witnesses who said the mule was old, half starved, mangy, and had a disposition so terrible he wouldn’t have worked had he been able.

The perplexed judge finally turned to one of the attorneys in the suit.

‘I would like to ask Counsel a question,’ he said, ‘Are there TWO mules involved in this case?’

***

Because of the recent increase in Covid19 virus cases within the county, our offices have once again been closed to the public. Assistance will be provided over the phone or by email. If necessary, individual appointments can be made. All of our newspapers articles are reprinted in the Historical Society’s Stories of Yesteryear booklets. Currently, Volumes 1-13 are available for purchase. For more information about this article, or any of our publications, or to make corrections or additions to an article, to purchase a local history book, or to inquire about a Historical Society event, please contact the Historical Society office at 276/926-6355, P. O. Box 52, Clintwood, Va., 24228, or dchs1880@gmail.com. If no answer, please leave a message (which includes your name and phone number) and one of our volunteers will return your call. Or contact Edith Faye Redden at 276/926-4117.