County professionals support Teen Dating Violence Awareness

For one week beginning with Feb. 10, allied professionals around the county donned orange clothing and/or ribbons in support of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.

Organized by advocates from Family Crisis Support Services Inc. and the county victim/witness program, the week was dedicated to bringing awareness to a widespread issue that continues to be a big concern for parents and teens alike. In addition to raising awareness, professionals hope this show of solidarity will help teens feel both safer and less isolated.

Teen dating violence continues to be one of the most underreported acts of violence out there. As a matter of fact, studies show a staggering 77 percent of teens who experience abuse at the hands of a dating partner don’t report it to anyone. Advocates wonder: Why is that? How can we as advocates, parents, teachers, etc., help teens feel safe talking to us about healthy relationships? Some of the issues outlined in this year’s campaign to address these issues were the following:

• LACK OF AWARENESS: 81 percent of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue. Despite the fact that 82 percent of parents felt confident that they would be able to recognize if their child was in an abusive relationship, a whopping 5 percent could not correctly identify the warning signs of abuse.

• FOCUS ON YOUNG PEOPLE: Girls and young women between the ages of 16-24 experience the highest rate of dating violence — triple the national average. Violent behavior typically begins between ages 12 and 18. The severity of domestic violence is often greater in cases where the pattern of abuse was established in adolescence.

• MORE COMMON THAN YOU THINK: One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner — far exceeding rates of other types of youth violence.

• LONG-LASTING EFFECTS: Victims of teem dating violence are at a higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence. Additionally, they are six times more likely to become pregnant and twice as likely to contract a sexually transmitted infection. Most devastatingly, half of teen dating violence victims seriously contemplate and/or attempt suicide.

• DIFFERENT TYPES: Dating violence can manifest in many different ways, including but not limited to: Physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, and digital abuse.

• VICTIM WARNING SIGNS: Withdrawal from friends and family, lost interest in sports and other activities, constantly replying to their partner’s texts/calls/messages as quickly as possible, declining grades in school, depression, stress, becoming overly dependent on their partners

• ABUSER WARNING SIGNS: Not letting their partner spend time with their friends and families, always going through their partner’s phone or social media, accusing partner of cheating, getting angry easily and quickly about anything and everything, telling their partner who they can and can’t talk to or hang out with, constantly checking in on their partners.

What can you, as a parent, do? Advocates have some suggestions:

• While avoiding being accusatory, tell your child that you’re concerned about their safety and point out that what’s happening isn’t normal or healthy. Offer to connect him or her with someone they can trust or talk to, like an advocate or a counselor.

• Be supportive and understanding. Stress that you are on your child’s side. Provide information and nonjudgmental support. Avoid language like “We taught you better than this” or “You were raised better than this,” as this will only add more division between you and your child. Let your son or daughter know that no one deserves to be abused. Make it clear that you don’t blame them and you respect their choices.

• Believe them and take them seriously! There’s a reason only 77 percent of victims come forward. Adults have classically invalidated teens, mocking them for many different reasons. If you want your words to resonate with your child so that they feel safe trusting you, do not belittle them. Rather, validate them and share your support of them. Be careful not to minimize your child’s situation due to age, inexperience, or the length of their relationship.

• Help develop a safety plan with your child. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is the time immediately following the victim leaving the abuser. Connect your child with resources to help keep them safe, such as law enforcement, counselors, and advocates.

• Remember that, ultimately, you child must be the one to choose to leave the relationship. There are many complex reasons why victims stay in unhealthy relationships. Your support can make a CRITICAL difference in helping your son or daughter find their own way to end their unhealthy relationship.

TEEN DATING VIOLENCE RESOURCES

• Family Crisis Support Services, Inc., 701 Kentucky Avenue SE, Norton, Va. 24273. Executive Director: Marybeth Adkins. Office number: 276/679-7240. 24-Hour Hotline: 1-800/572-2278. Advocates available to talk 24/7.

• Victim/Witness Assistance, Dickenson County. Director: Lisa Skeens. Office number: 276/926-1678.

• Dickenson County Sheriff’s Office, 293 Main St., Clintwood, Va. 24228. Office number: 276/926-1600. Dispatch number: 276/926-1650.

• Websites: www.family-crisis.org; www.loveisrespect.org; www.breakthecycle.com; www.thatsnotcool.com; www.joinonelove.org.

— Provided by Family Crisis Support Services