Teaching good manners

By Howard Cummins

Columnist

In the era that I grew up in my brothers and I were taught good manners at a very early age. These were unwritten codes of conduct that outlined rules to live by in our interactions with society, and especially to the female branch of our species.
For example, we were taught to never go through a doorway in front of a female. It was stressed that we should open the door and stand aside to let any ladies who happened to enter first. I have found that I frequently had to stand holding a door for several minutes in order to respect this simple rule of etiquette.
Another rule when walking on the street with any lady friend of family was for the male to always walk on the outside area of the street or road in order to protect the female from mud and dirt and various debris. This unwritten rule of the South frowns on the male walking on the inside of the street, next to the safety of the building.

When out on a date it was also considered rude for a male to seat himself in a theater, leaving the female standing in the aisle. In departing from the theater or performance, the male stands alone in the aisle until the female leaves her seat.

Rigidity in following the rules is not prized as much as the flexibility in how the well-mannered person handles any situation with good taste.

Many writers on the subject of manners seldom mention bad manners. Granted, we were taught some of the rudiments of bad manners by our parents and teachers. We would be expected to respond with a “yes sir” or a “no maam” but in my opinion some were never informed about the impression that is given through body language in displaying an attitude unbecoming of a civilized individual. To me, few things on this earth are more infuriating than the use of facial combat, underscored by a individual who uses childish body, eye-rolling fits of ludicrous body language.

Bad manners are further displayed by new electronic devices that have been created to serve as a means of mobile communication. In his book The Mechanical Bride, Marshall McLuhan, the noted historian, wrote about how mankind created devices that when overused became extensions of the human body. His thesis was a penetrating view into our penchant to create devices that will assist us in a more comfortable life, but overusing them would create potential danger to our lives. The constant use of the cell phone, being overused in public, is an excellent example of a device that has created dangerous situations as well as a new form of bad manners.
For example, when dining with friends or family good manners would be to have eye contact with everyone and to engage in personal dialogue across the table. To pull out a phone and begin to read a text or talk to someone during the meal would be decidedly bad manners, but something that our current population is being conditioned to regard as normal behavior.
I would love to go back to those good old days when people talked about demonstrating good manners. Where it was something discussed with young children. Back to a time when young people were subjected to some form of admonishment when good manners were absent.